child-sipping-wine

Finally, after generations of bickering, ballooning debt, and making promises that no government could actually keep, the Minister of Health of this province has done what no other politician has done before. He has created a massive surplus in the annual provincial budget (approximately $75B), will pay off the $288B provincial debt (within 4 years) and, most importantly, turned his greatest opponents to allies in his path to be the province’s next Premier and eventual Prime Minister of Canada.

“I know many politicians have failed in this complex calculation, but I am a Rhodes Scholar. I don’t shy away from making BIG decisions. In fact, I have spent my whole life preparing to take over, sorry, improve the world around me”, the Minister said with a straight face to room full of reporters today. He took no questions.

Many critics cannot understand how giving away the LCBO and marijuana dispensing rights to both the Public Teachers Union and the province’s Medical Association to manage will help the province and not harm his voters. But very few have the intellectual prowess of this star politician.

“There is no way that educators and doctors will compromise their ethics”, the Health Minister said. “So why not give them all the revenues from booze and weed?”

Simply put, his idea is to stop funding health care (approximately $52B) and public education (approximately $26B) starting on July 1, 2017.

“Heck! It’s Canada Day so let’s celebrate!”

The teachers and physicians will collect all the profits for alcohol and marijuana sales moving forward. At present there will need to be some catch up growth since alcohol sales only make less than $2B/year, but we are not selling all the LCBO locations, we are giving it to them, so that needs to be factored in as well. The doctors and teachers in the province may need to work in the LCBO’s in the beginning to get their sales figures up but they are all very hard workers and willing to go the extra mile. They may even co-brand their LCBO’s with their schools and their medical clinics and their hospitals. They may even include these services with house calls or summer school classes. You get a “B” you get a beer. You get an “A” you get an apple brandy. They can charge whatever they want, they can set any rules, they can include it in baby formula, or they can demand that every medicine in the province has alcohol in it. The also get the revenue from liquor licenses. This is a great, great deal for them. The sky is the limit. BUT THEY MUST COMPLETELY FUND HEALTHCARE AND PUBLIC EDUCATION FOR EVERYONE IN THE PROVINCE. Whatever their profit is theirs to split any way they want. Of course, they still need to work part time volunteer hours as teachers and doctors and run all the hospitals and pay for all the tests that everyone wants. Let us be clear, there is going to be little difference from now in regards to the world class quality for education and healthcare in this province BUT THERE IS ONE BIG DIFFERENCE in which doctors and teachers are no longer restricted by government control in their fields WHATSOEVER.

“Look it’s going to be their little business and I am happy for them”, the Health Minister exclaimed with a toothy grin. “I have thrown in the marijuana business as an inducement! Who knows how much potential revenue that could make for them? I just want this to work out for everyone.”

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